I feel your pain. I understand your struggle. I am with you in the constant debate with yourself as to how long you can keep doing this, especially when you did not want to do it to start with. It goes against everything in me to lie to my mother. How do we play the game of dementia caregiving without lying, or "playing a false role"? When they want to know why their deceased parents have not come by to see them or picked them up to go home EVERY day, or when they are bored and lonely, pacing the floor, but cannot even work a puzzle anymore and all their friends are dead or avoiding them due to inabilities to handle the situation or to know how to act or what to say, what are WE supposed to say and do? When it feels like a constant battle and they say, "I'm not as stupid as you think I am!" when they have absolutely NO idea where they even are or get lost in their own home, can't even find the bathroom alone, how many choices do WE have? To put an individual in a home for caring costs upwards or $6000 a month! When a retired persons income is, maybe, $1500 a month and already being used for their expenses with no savings, where do you find that kind of money? Do you sell off everything that your past relatives have worked generations to have to qualify for medicaid? Or do you trudge on? There is an army of us in this situation. You are not alone. No matter how bad it may seem, it could always be worse. Hang in there!! And just breathe.
I am here! All is well! Life is good!
Much love & gratitude!!